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Easter Egg Wunderkinds

Posted by on March 20, 2016 at 4:30 PM

So as I was leaving last night, a guy down the bar sees me putting my coat on and nods to me as if we know each other. We don't. And, as if resuming an ongoing conversation, he starts talking about how they'd discovered "this black guy" had been plagiarizing crossword puzzles and selling them to newspapers, and that's not right because people work hard at certain arts and deserve to reap the fruits of their talents.

And I say, "Yes, plagiarism is bad. Let's take a step back. What was the relevance of the guy's skin-color to this story?" And he thinks about it and says, "I suppose it doesn't matter, it was just a guy, but he DID this stuff and . . ."

"We've established plagiarism is bad, I'm obviously getting ready to go, what's actually happening here?"

And he starts in about how some kids are more talented than others, because, for example, some kids just color Easter eggs normally and some kids get really creative with it, doing half dips and patterns and such. And I put my cap on and my eyes widen. And he says, "Say a Hollywood producer found out about how talented some kid was at coloring Easter eggs, and they wanted to buy that kid?"

My eyes widen more. "Whut?"

"What would the price be, just for most parents, how much they'd sell that kid for?"

My eyes as wide as they can possibly be, I recap: "For MOST parents, with a kid talented at coloring Easter eggs, how much would they sell their kid to a Hollywood producer presumably prepping a big movie on Easter egg-coloring for?"

"Well, it doesn't have to be Easter eggs, just talented kids. Like when YOU color Easter eggs, if you're like me, you probably --"

"I'm Jewish," I say. I'm not, I just want to see the reaction.

"Oh . . . and that's okay."

"THANK you."

"But just, what do you think the PRICE is when some Hollywood producer --"

"I'm pretty sure MOST parents won't sell they're children to Hollywood producers, or pretty much anyone, however talented they are."

"Really? You don't think guys like that, with that kind of money --?"

"I can say with some degree of certainty that 99.99999999 percent of all parents would pretty likely not SELL their children to people who BUY children. Have a nice night."

This is not to shame schizophrenic libertarians, which I can only assume this guy was just based on his schizophrenia, just if you ARE a schizophrenic libertarian just absolutely barreling for a bar conversation with someone who is obviously leaving, you might think about getting to the point in the brief window somebody-being-about-to-leave affords you. Thank you.

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