The "Blog"

Multidontia

Posted by grimmreality1@gmail.com on December 21, 2016 at 2:35 AM Comments comments (0)

 

 

Also Self-Esteemier

Posted by grimmreality1@gmail.com on July 7, 2016 at 2:00 AM Comments comments (0)

 

 

Reload the Level

Posted by grimmreality1@gmail.com on June 30, 2016 at 1:50 AM Comments comments (0)

 

 

Nature's Assholes

Posted by grimmreality1@gmail.com on June 22, 2016 at 1:30 AM Comments comments (0)

 

 

MUPPETS!

Posted by grimmreality1@gmail.com on June 21, 2016 at 1:15 AM Comments comments (0)

 

 

Like Caesar Crossing the River Styx

Posted by grimmreality1@gmail.com on June 20, 2016 at 1:10 AM Comments comments (0)

 

 

 


Also Fun At Parties

Posted by grimmreality1@gmail.com on June 19, 2016 at 12:55 AM Comments comments (0)

 

 

Easter Egg Wunderkinds

Posted by grimmreality1@gmail.com on March 20, 2016 at 4:30 PM Comments comments (0)

So as I was leaving last night, a guy down the bar sees me putting my coat on and nods to me as if we know each other. We don't. And, as if resuming an ongoing conversation, he starts talking about how they'd discovered "this black guy" had been plagiarizing crossword puzzles and selling them to newspapers, and that's not right because people work hard at certain arts and deserve to reap the fruits of their talents.


And I say, "Yes, plagiarism is bad. Let's take a step back. What was the relevance of the guy's skin-color to this story?" And he thinks about it and says, "I suppose it doesn't matter, it was just a guy, but he DID this stuff and . . ."


"We've established plagiarism is bad, I'm obviously getting ready to go, what's actually happening here?"


And he starts in about how some kids are more talented than others, because, for example, some kids just color Easter eggs normally and some kids get really creative with it, doing half dips and patterns and such. And I put my cap on and my eyes widen. And he says, "Say a Hollywood producer found out about how talented some kid was at coloring Easter eggs, and they wanted to buy that kid?"


My eyes widen more. "Whut?"


"What would the price be, just for most parents, how much they'd sell that kid for?"


My eyes as wide as they can possibly be, I recap: "For MOST parents, with a kid talented at coloring Easter eggs, how much would they sell their kid to a Hollywood producer presumably prepping a big movie on Easter egg-coloring for?"


"Well, it doesn't have to be Easter eggs, just talented kids. Like when YOU color Easter eggs, if you're like me, you probably --"


"I'm Jewish," I say. I'm not, I just want to see the reaction.


"Oh . . . and that's okay."


"THANK you."


"But just, what do you think the PRICE is when some Hollywood producer --"


"I'm pretty sure MOST parents won't sell they're children to Hollywood producers, or pretty much anyone, however talented they are."


"Really? You don't think guys like that, with that kind of money --?"


"I can say with some degree of certainty that 99.99999999 percent of all parents would pretty likely not SELL their children to people who BUY children. Have a nice night."


This is not to shame schizophrenic libertarians, which I can only assume this guy was just based on his schizophrenia, just if you ARE a schizophrenic libertarian just absolutely barreling for a bar conversation with someone who is obviously leaving, you might think about getting to the point in the brief window somebody-being-about-to-leave affords you. Thank you.

No Cake

Posted by grimmreality1@gmail.com on March 18, 2016 at 4:35 PM Comments comments (0)

For our anniversary, my gym offered me the "gift" of a "Free Fitness Score Session." It's like they KNOW that being sad is just how I celebrate things now.

Also, Hearts Are Actually Butts

Posted by grimmreality1@gmail.com on March 17, 2016 at 2:50 PM Comments comments (0)

Okay, I was over by the lake and I walked by this leaf smashed into the sidewalk and it was a heart. And not just sort-of-heart-shaped, but PERFECT, like spray it pink and slap it on some dumb plastic shit at Walgreen's on Feb 14 and you wouldn't look twice. Just as iconographics go historically, we take stuff from nature and then sort of match-cut and use metaphor and symbols to define things, but then you figure, leaves had to be way more heart-shaped than hearts, especially once people started dissecting stuff and figured out what hearts LOOKED like. And then, if anything, you wouldn't even have said it looked like a tree-leaf, you would have to say it looked more like, what, a potato, right? What the hell else does a human heart look like in nature if not a potato?

 

Anyway, this made me sad because it feels like humanity missed a beautiful opportunity for our shorthand phrase to be "I [potato] you."