GrimmReality

Just found out what Elf On the Shelf is & I'd be a bit more comfortable with it if sales data were used to TAKE YOUR FUCKING CHILDREN AWAY.

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A movie that "will make you believe in holiday miracles" fuckwell better reverse time & make 50 million people less stupid or it should stfu

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Zipper broke on my good winter coat, then I found a second smaller zipper inside the outside zipper. My coat is Alien. Do not fuck with me.

—...

DATE: And that's my 12-year-old.

ME: My emotional availability is the only people I have pictures of in my phone are my friends' dogs.

&...

DATE: I consider my passport my lifeline. Truly living is experiencing new things.

ME: I use my car as an extra freezer in the wintertime.

SCI-FI THING

ANDROID: I want to know what it is to be human

ME: OH MY GOD, no you fucking DON'T, trust me!

A:

ME:...

EWOK CONTRACTOR: Reinforced catwalks?
EWOK ENGINEER: Look you never know when big shaved spacemonkeys will conscript you into their dumb war

R...

A Picture of Dorian Grey only it's a painting of me in the attic getting smarter and less profoundly socially addled.

— Grimm (@grimmreality)...

COP: Know why I stopped you?
ME: Austerity policies & tax-cuts for the rich made you a bagman for corrupt revenue quotas?
C:
M: Blink ...

A spider bit me & I thought if I were George W. Bush I would go fuck up some ants in the neighbors' garden & liberate some strawberries.

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