NEW PRODUCT! Now presenting MATTHEW GRIMM - WEDDING OFFICIANT! 

A wedding is a solemn occasion, unless you want it not to be! 


Pending happy accord with your state's official criteria for wedding celebrants and officiants, Matthew Grimm is now available to perform marriages of couples seeking a dope MC for, let's say, alternative commitment ceremonies. Matthew holds an actual certificate of ordination from the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and has already married Tom and Beth! They'll totally vouch for this. 


As a Pastafarian, Matthew hews to no religious tradition and, according to people who promised to give testimonials, will tailor a pithy, fun, respectful ceremony to your needs and maybe even throw in a song or two if you want -- all sans the piety, pomp, circumstance, New Age pollyannism and overwrought romcom bullshit typically demanded by joyless lords of "traditional marriage," people who use the word "partner" way too often and seriously and more stolid fathers and/or mothers of the bride or groom. 


And speaking of "traditional marriage," Matthew does not recognize any claims that love between any subset of consenting adult humans has any primacy over any other subset/love combination, so if you are consenting adults and want to get gaymarried, he will be happy to gaymarry you. His only criteria for performing a wedding are that you genuinely love each other, neither of you are jerks and nothing in the ceremony invokes hatespeech or discrimination of any kind. We don't know why anyone would do that, unless it was a Nazi wedding or something, but we need to throw out the disclaimer. 


We're not sure how rates of wedding officiants/celebrants go, but he's probably pretty cheap, though he says to say he would ask for lodging and travel expenses and would at least like to not go into the hole on the whole megillah. If you would like Matthew to officiate your marriage, please keep in mind he doesn't do a lot of these -- at least yet -- so try to give him a good six-month window to book his other stuff around it then zip him an email via the About/Contact page. 



"I wish Matthew had had a mic so he could have dropped it at the end of the ceremony. He absolutely killed it. [T]o those who might renew their vows or perhaps take new ones, if you can get him, grab him." - Tom Whiston, the guy I married to Beth Palumbo (see picture to the right)


"I think I'll miss you most of all, Scarecrow." - Laura Palumbo, Beth's mom